Fighting Terror vs. Floating on Air
Step 1:
Gain Clarity
That Change
To conquer fear is to engage in an internal struggle with it and emerge victorious. You muster your strength, sing a cheery tune, and make it through. My daughter asked me, “If you are courageous, does that mean you aren’t afraid?” No, I told her, you’re scared, but you do it (whatever it is you’re afraid of). Being courageous is admirable, but the effort required to overcome fear may be draining.
The Splash
To “walk on water” is to overcome one’s concerns by refusing to focus on them. That means you can avoid taking any action to overcome your anxiety or facing any consequences for your inaction. The fear may be present and undiminished, but you will no longer be defined by it. As the fear’s observer, you have the freedom to focus your attention elsewhere if you so choose. You’ll have more energy left over after taking action now that you aren’t spending it on fighting your fears.
Consider the training of professional racing car drivers: They’re scared of “hitting the wall” during a tricky turn. The race car will go where their attention is directed. To avoid hitting the wall or the bend, drivers are advised to keep their gaze fixed ahead. Don’t let your fears prevent you from moving toward your desired future.
Step 2:
Alter your perspective
Shift your attention
Fears are less intimidating when you shift your attention from the circumstance itself to you, the observer. The future, which cannot be known or controlled, is the source of all fear. As someone with the ability to watch and respond, you are a source of continuity among otherwise chaotic events. You can take in information, prioritize what’s most important, stay here and now, and respond appropriately.
Snapshots
Diane, one of my coaching clients, dreaded attending a family reunion. She had a deep-seated sense that she was unloved and unwanted by her relatives. It wasn’t enjoyable to be in their company. Diane felt that no one in the family paid attention to her or valued her input whenever she spoke out. Diane’s only choice up until this point had been to assume the identity of someone else who did.
Diane wanted to keep in touch with her family but did not feel like she was pretending. She placed a premium on the closeness of her family and made sure everyone knew they could count on each other in times of need. As Diane’s mentor, I recommended that she try an experiment during the reunion: go as she is without attempting to alter anyone or anything. Instead, I suggested that Diane go into the reunion with a positive attitude and a focus on self-awareness.
Diane said she’d do her best to branch out. Whenever anger surfaced, she would observe it, accept it, and then let it go with love. This made it so that her thoughts and actions were more central than her family’s. It reinstated the presence of You in her thoughts. Diane agreed that the only area she could affect change was in her mind and deeds.
Diane endured the painful reunion while still being who she was because of the experiment. While spending time with her loved ones, she was able to practice shifting her attention and becoming more self-aware. Diane was suddenly able to envision novel approaches to familial ties.
Step 3:
Get Involved Every Day!
When anxious thoughts arise:
Inhale deeply through the navel (your body’s powerhouse) and exhale slowly to bring yourself back to the here and now.
Take note of it, own it, and let it go with affection.
Try acting differently than you usually would, just for the sake of the experiment.
Facing your fears and working on them
Step 4:
Progressive Advancement
Make a shift in your attention an opportunity for self-improvement.
We tend to dwell on our thoughts a lot. We’re like severed limbs wandering the earth. Feelings are like a trail that can be followed back to our origin. If you want more harmony, switching your attention from your thoughts to your feelings can help.
When experiencing a powerful unpleasant emotion, try to become as open as possible so that the opposite emotion can emerge. Imagine first that your feelings toward that person or that circumstance are changing. By shifting your attention and fully experiencing your feelings, you can grow your capacity to focus on emotions and realize what it’s like to be more than your feelings.
Attempt to combat a negative feeling by focusing on the dread of losing something:
If you feel someone has wrongfully taken something from you, try shifting your focus to what you could give back to them. What happens to you when you consider grief in this light? What do you think would happen if things went the other person’s way?
After visualizing something, you may feel more confident about attempting it in real life.
Record your findings from this experiment:
To what did you pay attention?
Describe the other person and what stood out to you.
As a side note, try this out on a relatively modest scale. This will strengthen your will to try something new in the face of grief.
Step 5:
Transcendence
The Crucial You are more powerful than any feeling that may be experienced. Ultimately, love underpins every other surface since it is the most fundamental human experience. After sharing love, our emotions will go from our heads to souls. We can learn to walk on water if this understanding is firmly established.
After enough practice, we merge with the water and realize that there is nothing to worry about, nothing to lose, and everything to gain. We do not need to take a risk or alter our viewpoint. The thought that “I am infinite” is crucial to our sense of safety.
Focusing on the essentials will help you become more attuned to the wellspring of your thoughts, actions, and feelings. Try closing your eyes and seeing through that gap. With eyes shut, who can see the distance?
Taken from Lea Belair’s 2005 book, “Walk on Water: How to Make Change Easier” (Change Agent Press). Visit for a free PDF copy of the book’s prologue:
Read also: https://journalall.com/category/self-improvement/
